Be careful what you wish for

What happens when you arrive at your dream destination only to discover it wasn’t truly what you wanted?  Does it mean I’ve wasted the last 15 years of my life?

On the outside, all looks so rosy. I have a successful business and a team of devoted employees. I’ve built it all from scratch and at the beginning it was me, in an empty room, with a laptop. Today there’s a team of us, in a lovely office in wonderful location. We make a difference in other peoples lives every day. Yet, I’m dreading going to work on a daily basis.

Once I get there, I put my hat on and I just get on with it. But on the inside, I’m struggling. I can’t reconcile myself to the fact that this is going to be my life until I retire.

When I was small all I wanted was to make clothes. I know how it sounds. Here I’m helping people and all I want is to make clothes. But it is what it is.

I remember making paper clothes for cardboard dolls, boxes and boxes of them.  It was going to be my life, I knew it. I had that pleasant lurch in my stomach every time I had a new idea and felt euphoric every time it came to life on paper.

Then I fell for trappings of an adult life. The money, and prestige and everything that I thought society expected me to be. I studied so hard. I have two prestige master degrees. I built my name. It took 15 years of my life and now I look at it all and want is to cry.

*Image via babaviola

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